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My legs were sticking to the seats and my clothes were clinging to my skin. I felt pretty grimy. The joys of budget traveling. I did spot a few people on my bus who I knew were going to the same retreat as I was. Well, I assumed they were. They were carrying meditation cushions with them. I had a moment of regret that I didn't have the same foresight. But the retreat was my first stop, and carrying a huge pillow with me everywhere I went wasn’t practical. Never having meditated for longer than an hour, I was curious to see how this retreat experience would play out.
Where was this great feeling that yoga was meant to bring? I surely wasn’t feeling it. Looking over at my best friend, I could sense our feelings were mutual. When we moved to the floor work, I became light-headed. I felt like I might vomit. My body clearly had had enough of this circus. I had to leave. I looked at my friend and whispered to her that I was done and leaving. I needed to get out of there. And fast. She nodded and was right behind me. I felt horrible for leaving the class early. I felt like a failure, and it only solidified my belief that yoga was not for me.
However, once I was able to tame my Ego and extract all that I could from practicing yoga, I began to see everything in a completely different light. When I shifted my perspective, I shifted my reality with yoga and in turn shifted my relationship with my body. I had to face my fears, judgments, insecurities, and pain head-on to make this shift, but the end result was unimaginable. This journey will highlight many of the fears, judgments, and insecurities I faced. They became major players on this journey.